3.1.1 Tool: Elastic Responses

When we Bend and not break, we are being elastic.

Elastic responses are the tool we use when the child has a proactive need or goal, and are becoming increasingly intense

The common mistake here is caving on the important boundaries - trading short term harmony for longer-term resentment. And when we do that, that’s on us.

If we are caving on the important boundaries, our elastic band is snapping.

Instead we want to stretch it a little and invite some autonomy and collabortation with the child.

Common parent question: What do I actually say in the moment?

A great place to start is to reflect to the child what you’re hearing their need or want is.

Then, asking them to listen to your concern.

Very often, a solution emerges that can fit both needs.

eg. having a treat AND not having lots of sugar before school

Example 2 -

Wanting to stay in the bath

Child - warm, comfortable - cold and uncomfortable getting out

Adult - don’t like standing around repeatedly requesting to get out

Solution: visual timer comes out when adult is ready to transition